On my way home.

I'm sitting in the passengers seat, my seat belt is on but the strap is under my arm, it makes me feel uncomfortable; my knee is hurting from multiple falls in the past so I try to adjust my legs to feel a little more comfort. It's a long 45 minute ride home, the music is on and I look out the window at the passing cars. I sit quietly thinking about my surroundings. Every car that passes, I think of the people in the car and wonder what their stories are; every car that we pass, I think of their day and how its been. Maybe that guy in the white SUV is having a really bad day at work and is on his way home to his wife and kids, he'll get home and dinner wont be ready yet but the wife is in the kitchen cooking and the kids are in the bedroom playing Xbox. There are two little boys playing some car racing game and making a lot of noise. but what about that red car? There's a man with his wife, they look young, I wonder where they're going? Maybe they are going to a restaurant to meet some friends; they look like they're in their late 20's, I wonder how they met. Maybe they met online, seen each other around different websites with the same interests and decided to talk and ended up falling in love. Sounds cliche but these days, that's how most people meet. Suddenly a speeding car catches my attention, it passes by with a roar. It's a small black sports car, I couldn't see who was driving but just for fun I imagine them as some older man going through some midlife crises so he bought himself a sports car and he races around town because it makes him feel alive. Can't imagine his wife would be happy about that. I realize my thoughts can sometimes have a pattern, they're more dramatic than a normal boring day of my own. I start to think about my usual day and it depresses me, everyday it's the same thing and never changes. I woke the same job, I have the same family and have the same problems that stop me from changing my life. I've always been the "low maintenance" type. Rarely ask for anything and have a whole lot of patience; sometimes so much that it becomes bad. I have a good strong grip on my feelings and emotions and am really good at dismissing the simplest bad thought or feeling and reacting rationally. So rationally that it slides into irrational. If something angers me, I'll be upset about it for a while n then let it go within minutes or even hours but rarely ever get angry about it. Only after years and years of constant repeating of problems will then cause an out burst. I can't seem to hold on to anger, I've tried, especially when I need to hold on to it but it rarely works and when it does, it creates a scene. An absolutely terrible scene. I hate drama and I hate making scenes, I also hate peoples attention on me so usually I just end up avoiding it and letting it go so I can be able to carry on without drama. Many people tell me it's not drama because when I do get that angry its for the right reason and I deserve to be angry but in the end I just end up letting it go and never getting what I need or deserve. I live my life pleasing everyone else in my life except for myself and I only please myself when it doesn't harm or even shake someone else. We stop to pick up some food, I reach in to my bag and bring out my wallet. I pass my brother money for our food and tell him what to order. I wonder what everyone else is doing around the world. I wonder how many people are diving in he seas and oceans at this exact moment. I wonder how many are driving their cars or riding bikes. I wonder how many kids are at school and how many are at home sick. I wonder how many people are in hospitals and how many are at funerals. I wonder how many people are hungry and how many are eating. I wonder how many are wondering the things I'm wondering. I wonder if people wonder this kind of stuff at all. I wonder if there are people like me who think of this kind of stuff all the time and think so much that I didn't even realize that my brother is back in the car with the food and we're almost home. I realize how much I've been thinking about everything and need to get my mind off of things so I take out my phone, unlock it and turn on a game. The rest of my ride home will be about that game, how to solve each puzzle and how to reach my next goal. I like games that challenge me. I also like games that distract me from the world around me. Keeps me focused but in another world. We're home.